Mental break downs don’t happen often but when one does happen it turns me into a tragic mess. My brain will continue to speak negative about even the smallest things or about myself in general.
This was from last night before going to bed, yes I was crying:
At night, I truly wonder why I immediately think, “Why am I even alive?”
In return my brain said “Why, do you even ask?”
I then say to myself “cause deep down suicidal thoughts are really dragging me into the dark hole it puts me in.”
Then my brain decides to say, “Your just over it. Life I mean. When was the last time you were actually happy for more than an hour? When have you ever actually been emotional stable? It’s so rare that even I (brain) can’t fix it and you are just tired of trying to fix it or make it better.”
And in all honesty all I want is silence, to never leave bed, be invisible to the world because of how much hurt I have been through my life. I am ready to see the dark of death or the “light at the end of the tunnel”. The only part that makes me worry is what will happen to my son and that’s why I still live.
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