Brain function gone

 Getting through today is a challenge my brain is shutting down easily on pretty munch off and on. One minute I can focus, the next minute I am gone. Even right now I am forgetting what I was fully going to type. I will try and come back to this tomorrow cause I am gone.

Blood by MCR changed for a medical joke

Well, they encourage your complete cooperation

Send you roses when they think you need to smile
I can't control myself because I don't know how
And they love me for it, honestly, I'll be here for a while

So give them drugs, drugs, gallons of the stuff
Give them all that they can take, and it will never be enough
So give them drugs, drugs, drugs
Grab a bottle because there's going to be a bunch

A celebrated man amongst the gurneys
They can fix me proper with a bit of luck
The doctors and the nurses, they adore me so
But it's really quite alarming 'cause I'm such an awful fuck (oh, thank you)

I gave you drugs, drugs, gallons of the stuff
I gave you all that you can take, and it has never been enough
I gave you drugs, drugs, drugs
I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love

I know it is not that great of a word change but it goes through my head on a regular bases, this song I mean. The original Blood by MCR use pops into my head randomly and my brain changes the word blood into to drugs. So I have finally figured out the change in the song that my brain makes. :)

Manic Depression plus other things

 The triggers that can cause the emotional pain that coming with this being a person in general. That said not everyone has the same emotional struggles, they are equivalent to my emotions just in a different way, and I accept that. The only issue I have is the process of the trigger. Let me make it clear what I have first. From after the traumas I have gone through I have multiple emotional disorders, not just physical. I have been diagnosed mentally with bipolar disorder 1, high anxiety, PTSD from multiple things, and suicidal depression. So when a break down hits, be it manic or not, I reach a new place mentally. I will say I am great full for having therapy as well as being fully diagnosed and placed on medications. The episodes aren’t a brutal as they were before all of this

Honestly, just typing this I am not content cause I tend to only tell people who are close (total 5) so me just doing this has my on an intense level.

Long day = Monday

 Everyone hates a Monday and it is totally understandably. It is annoying to wake up early after having a break from everything, and since it is the beginning of the week usually there is 2x as much work that normal cause a lot of customers are very impatient with the day due to their own day/night time problems that happened over the weekend or the previous week that is coming back to you. 

For me, Mondays are as pain in my ass because of me trying to get shit done. Meaning appointments to visit doc, dentist, therapist, etc. As well as bills, signing up for my own car insurance (finally), going through paperwork related to SNAP, Medicaid, HMK and trying to keep myself from going bonkers while doing so. Oh, Mondays how we all hate you.